Comfortable Lie
by xxBardApprenticexx
Summary: Bones knows Jim is lying to him. Jim knows what people think of him. Two-shot, rated for mild language.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is the first of a pair. The other is Jim's perspective. It's just in need of a bit of (slightly obsessive) editing, so it should be out tomorrow. As it is, please enjoy this first half of _Comfortable Lie_.**

**Title: Comfortable Lie  
Characters: Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, Jim Kirk  
Rating: T for mild language  
Length: 1 of 2  
Summary: Bones knows Jim is lying to him.**

* * *

Bones knows Jim is lying to him.

Usually, he'd whip out a couple hypos and vaccinate until he gets an honest answer. But this isn't like back at the Academy, when Jim would 'borrow' his holos or hide the marks of his latest fight.

No, this is something big, something Jim's been lying about for years, something he lies about to everyone.

And Bones isn't sure what to do about it.

He knows what he wants to do. It involves hypos and yelling and whiskey and just the right blend of friendship and antagonism. But he doesn't do that, because this is more important, deserves more from him.

Jim is lying about his very self, and he has been since Len has known him.

Okay, so he's not using a fake name, and he's still the same guy Bones roomed with for three years, but there's something else.

Something deep inside Jim is being hidden, veiled in secrecy and camouflaged by overly-bright grins. Something vital and dark.

Something that's starting to leak through the infinitesimal cracks in Kirk's armor.

So Bones does things he never thought he would.

He talks. He asks softly. He gently coaxes Jim out of his paranoia with Southern Comfort and tender words. He falls to his goddamn knees and goddamned begs. _Begs!_

It doesn't work.

Jim's even more cautious than he was before, because now he knows that Bones is looking.

So Leonard McCoy does what he does best: he pushes.

He gets Jim drunk and pokes and prods and growls and curses until the Captain cracks and screams at him for a solid ten minutes.

He flips between whimpers of _'brought it on myself'_ and _'weak, so fucking weak and helpless'_ to snarls of _'stay on the other side of the gun, strong, pull the trigger first, strength, fight, win, live'_.

Jim then promptly falls asleep on his ready-room's couch, and Len is left to ponder what he managed to understand. The doctor is confused and scared, and deterred.

He never raises the issue again.

There's something else behind Jim Kirk's blinding smile, something dark and injured and afraid, but Bones doesn't really want to know what it is.

So he convinces himself that Jim is still his slightly-mentally-damaged adrenaline-junkie crazy-ass Captain of a best friend, and those blue eyes aren't hiding anything.

Because Bones knows Jim is lying to him.

And he thinks it's better that way.


	2. Chapter 2

**This is the second half, really just Jim's point of view.**

**Thank you all for the reviews! Hope this lives up to your praise.**

**So please enjoy part two of _Comfortable Lie_.**

**Title: Comfortable Lie  
Characters: Jim Kirk  
Rating: T for mild language  
Length: 2 of 2  
Summary: Jim knows what people think of him.**

* * *

Jim knows what people think of him.

He knows all about his 'looking-glass self', and what everyone else sees when they look at James Tiberius Kirk.

He also knows that they only see what he wants them to. Because he works damn hard to keep it that way.

It's not always easy – keeping up that front, wearing the smile until no one's looking, holding back the pain and rage and primal need to run.

But he does it all.

Because it keeps people looking the other way.

Like the old sleight of hand tricks – keep them looking at one hand, and they never notice what you're doing with the other. Give them something painfully obvious to sum up and figure out and dissect and judge, and they never look any deeper.

Jim can't have anyone looking deeper.

Because deep down, he's not happy or charming or kind or forgiving or good in any way. He's dark. He's dark and angry and bitter and cruel and bad in every way.

He's scared.

Of someone really looking. Of someone really figuring him out. Of someone seeing what he really is deep down – and turning away in disgust.

So he keeps smiling.

He keeps flirting with strangers.

He keeps starting fights he can't win.

He keeps fulfilling their expectations, even the disappointing ones, because it means they think they have him figured out, and they stop looking.

Jim knows what everyone thinks, and he likes it that way.

_-finite-_


	3. AN Possible Continuation?

**Okay, so I'm considering either**

**turning this into a series**

**or**

**starting a new series based on this.**

**It would be moments and examples of **

**times Jim lied and such.**

**So, if you're interested in such a series,**

**let me know!**

**I'm not going to set a number or anything,**

**but I'd like to at least hear something before I start.**

**Anywho, thanks for your time,**

**hope you all enjoyed _Comfortable Lie!_**

**_-Bard-_**


End file.
